Domestic Abuse: How to get help

Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse, regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, socio-economic status, sexuality or background. For anyone who feels they are at risk of abuse, or believes they know someone who is, it is important to remember that there is help and support available.

At CKH we do not tolerate domestic abuse, and as part of your tenancy agreement you must not threaten violence or be violent towards anyone living with you in the property, harass or use psychological, emotional, physical or sexual abuse to make anyone who lives with you leave the property. We are here to support victims and we will take action against perpetrators.

 

Support for victims

If you are a victim of domestic abuse we can support you. Our specialist team can provide you with emotional support, practical help and advice with tenancy and other issues. We can also signpost you to other agencies who can help, and we can help you to get out of a dangerous situation.

To get help call us on 01733 385000. If you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

 

What is abuse?

An abusive relationship is where one partner tries to dominate the other through physical harm, criticisms, demands, threats, or sexual pressure. For the victim, this behaviour can be very dangerous, frightening, confusing and damaging.

Psychological or emotional abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse. Abuse in a relationship is never acceptable, regardless of the circumstances, and is never the fault of the victim. Abuse is not caused by alcohol, or stress, or by the victim’s behaviour. Abuse happens because the abuser wants to control and manipulate the other person. Physical and sexual assault, threats and stalking are crimes and can be reported to the police.

Domestic abuse can encompass, but is not limited to:

  • Psychological - Making you feel devalued and afraid. If you are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender (LGBT) threatening to ‘out’ you to your family
  • Physical - Kicking, punching and restraining
  • Sexual – Rape, making you do things you don’t want to do, preventing you from practicing safe sex
  • Financial – Taking your money and/or controlling your money

 

Is your partner, or another family member, abusive?

  • Is your partner jealous and possessive?
  • Are they charming one minute and abusive the next?
  • Do they tell you what to wear, where to go, who to see?
  • Do they constantly put you down?
  • Do they play mind games and make you doubt your judgment?
  • Do they control your money?
  • Do they pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to?
  • Are you starting to walk on eggshells to avoid making them angry?
  • Do they monitor or track your movements or messages?
  • Do they use anger and intimidation to frighten and control you?
     

How do you spot a signs of domestic abuse in a friend or family member?

It might be trickier to spot the signs of domestic violence during this time of lockdown, but even remotely via video calling or catching up over the telephone, you may be able to spot the signs:

  • Low self-esteem – issues with confidence 
  • Anxiety towards the end of the day – and perhaps a change in ability to manage workload
  • Avoidance of social calls/not attending social calls without notice and without explanation
  • Bruises and wearing inappropriate clothing to cover bruises
  • Unexplained aches and pains
     

How to support someone who might be experiencing domestic violence

It can be really worrying when someone you care about is being hurt or abused by their partner. The most important thing is to talk to them and listen to what they have to say without passing judgement or opinion. Be aware of where they can go for help, and don’t get frustrated if they choose not to accept help. Anxiety and fear are overwhelming and there are huge obstacles people will face when leaving an abusive relationship.

Start to learn about different support agencies and signpost them to the agencies for advice and support. Encourage them to keep a log of incidents, along with evidence of their abuse, so that when they are ready to accept help they will be in a better position to move forward in a positive way.
 

Services that can help:

Cambridge Women’s Aid (City/East/South Cambs) 01223 361214

Refuge (Fenland/Hunts/Peterborough) 07787 255821

National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Men’s Advice Line 0808 8010 327 www.mensadviceline.org.uk

LGBT Helpline 0800 999 5428 www.galop.org.uk

Women’s Aid Online Chat https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Honour-Based Abuse 0800 5999 247 https://karmanirvana.org.uk/

Respect phone line (for perpetrators of abuse) 0808 802 4040 http://respect.uk.net/

Call your doctor to seek a referral for counselling or cognitive behaviour therapy 

If you are in immediate danger call 999
 

Making silent calls to police

If you are in immediate danger and able to dial 999 but unable to speak, pressing 55 or tapping the handset will alert the call operator that you are a genuine caller and that you need help.

Try to listen to the instructions given by the call operator about what to do next and call from a landline if you can.